Gran Torino

I'm just gonna throw it out there. Gran Torino is the best movie of the 2008 season. It's better than Slumdog, better than the Dark Knight or Ironman, better than Benjamin Button, and it's a damn sight better than Milk, The Reader, or Frost/Nixon. Gran Torino is a film that tells a story that takes the viewer through the whole spectrum of human emotion, and that's rare.

Clint Eastwood stars, directs, and produces the film. That right there should assure you of it's quality, as the two of the previous films he did that for, 1992's Unforgiven, and 2004's Million Dollar Baby, took both best director and best picture. I've been very impressed with the transition Eastwood has made in his career, coming all the way from the "idiot of the plains" in Rawhide, to esteemed actor, and now to one of the best directors and producers in the business.

Eastwood performs as Walt Kowalski. An aging Korean War veteran who spent most of his life working in the Ford assembly plants in Detroit. Mr. Kowalski is a hard, prejudiced, and politically incorrect man. He still lives in the mindset of the 1950s, with good and the bad that brings. He's a hard worker, and he has high expectations of himself and those around him. He's also very judgemental, and over the course of the film uses racial epithets with casual ease. Eastwood's acting is amazing here. A little snort here, a scowl there, and even before he opens his mouth, you have a full understanding of how set in his ways this man is.

The acting is great beyond Eastwood too. The film used a large number of Hmong actors with little or no previous experience. Bee Vang and Ahney Her play Thao and Sue Vang Lor, respectively. Thao is a young Hmong boy who has to deal with the gangs that roam the neighborhood, and Sue is a sassy lippy girl who assimilated into American culture with much more ease than the rest of her extensive family. Both of them do a great job at their roles.

Christopher Casey acts as Father Janovich, Mr. Kowalski's Catholic priest, who promised Walt's wife to look after him after she passed on. Janovich is devout, intelligent, and very naive. He spends most of the film serving as the concience for Walt, despite Walt's wishes.

Gran Torino begins in mourning. Walt Kowalski's wife has passed away, and he stand's beside his wife's casket, watching his family shuffle into the pews of the church for the funeral service. They disgust him. One grandson is dressed in a Roy Williams Detroit Lions jersey, his granddaughter is dressed in a far more revealing outfit than a girl her age should wear, and his other grandson is so irreverent it's sickening. Father Janovich delivers a weak eulogy, and the wake, back at Mr. Kowalski's house in Highland Park, is marred by his spoiled family.

As Mr. Kowalski goes out for a chew with his dog, Daisy, he notices yet another Hmong family moving into the neighborhood. This one right next door. Thao and Sue are part of this family. The Hmong are the indigenous hill people of Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand. They supported the US in the Vietnam War, but when America lost interest, they were slaughtered by Vietnamese forces. Many Hmong became refugees and sought asylum in the US. Most settled in the northern mid west, Minnesota, Michigan, and Wisconsin. Walt just sees them as another bunch of Gooks.

Thao is a shy, introspective kid, who is often picked on by mexican and african gangs. His cousin, "Spider", leads a Hmong gang, that protects him, and pushes him to join. His rite of initiation is to steal a 1972 Gran Torino fastback, a car owned, and built, by one Walter Kowalski. Thao breaks into Walt's garage in the night, waking up the old man. Walt immediately goes to his old army footlocker, and pulls out an M-1 Garand and rushes to defend his property. Walt catches Thao, and was inches away from turning the kid's head into a fine mist, but a coughing fit give Thao enough of a distraction to make his escape.

The next night, the gang is displeased with Thao's failure, and come to Thao's house to take him for another try. This does not make his older sister Sue very happy. There's a tussle, and the whole Hmong clan pretty much winds up out in the yard yelling and shoving. The altercation soon crosses property lines as Thao try to run, and a gang member tackles him, only to look up into the muzzle of Kowalski's M-1. "Get off my lawn..." Walt growls. The gang members relent, and the Hmong are amazed at Mr. Kowalski. They're so thankful for Walt saving Thao from the gang, that they leave gifts for him, ranging from flower bouquets, to whole chickens. Walt is flabbergasted at their affection, as he just wanted to be left alone.

The Hmong clan sends Thao to work for Mr. Kowalski as penance for his attempt at stealing the car. At first, Walt is dismissive, but as he watches the boy work, he begins to appreciate the situation the the kid is in. He begins to work with Thao and Sue to help them improve their lives. Acting as a mentor to Thao, and a friend to Sue, Walt begins to realize how much he has in common with them. He softens to them internally, while externally he remains as grizzled and profane as ever. As events unfold however, he comes to a dark realization. Thao and Sue will never have a real chance at a peaceful life as long as the gangs still have their hold on the neighborhood.

The movie is kind of like the muscle car it's named for. It's sleek and somewhat unadorned. The film is all skill and no budget. There are no real amazing special effects, but the editing is some of the best I've ever seen. There isn't a big name pop soundtrack, but the score is suited perfectly to the film. It's kind of bare-bones. Like an old Gran Torino you see on a used car lot. Kind of a spectre, but the power is there.

Speaking of spectres, it feels as if the ghosts of Eastwood's previous roles are haunting this film. Walt Kowalski's character could easily be Harry Callahan in retirement, or if the film were set in an earlier time, it could be the last ride of The Man With No Name. With the feel of the character, and the powerful ending of the film, I could easily see this as being Eastwood's swan song as an actor. It almost felt like his way of saying goodbye to that part of his life. I hope he remains as a director though.

You will laugh during this film. You will be filled with righteous fury. You will be at peace. You will be proud. You will feel sorrow. This film will move you. It will stir every emotion. This movie is as good as I could ask for.

Gran Torino is 116 minutes long. It as awarded a 72 on Metacritic. I was very impressed. This film went beyond my already high expectations of it. I'm going to give it a 10/10.

From the Vault: Casshern

I own a ridiculous amount of movies. Some are good, some are bad, some are classics, and some are cult films. In an effort to jump start a more regular blogging pattern, I'm going to pull one off the shelf at random every other Wednesday, and review it. We're going to kick this off with a Japanese import. The film is called Casshern.

What is it?: Casshern is the live action adaptation of the 1973 Japanese animated series Neo-Human Casshern. It was among the first films to use a green screen back lot almost exclusively.

Where did I get it?: From the discount bin at Hollywood Video.

Why?: I had watched a couple of Protomen Youtube Music Videos using the film. It looked amazing. The next day I went to rent a movie, and there it was. It was like fate.

What is it about?: Casshern chronicles a world at the end of a 50 year war that has devastated the planet. The Eastern Federation defeated the robotic armies of Europa, but the price was high. The environment was laid to waste, and because of this, disease and famine run rampant throughout the world. Most of the leaders of the Eastern Federation are dying slowly from a multitude of maladies related to the high levels of contamination.

But there is still hope. A brilliant scientist named Dr. Azuma has discovered Neo-Cells. Found only in a certain ethnic group, who are essentially pure breed humans, Neo-Cells can become any body part, transplanted without fear of rejection... stop me if you've heard this before. The military quickly backs Dr. Azuma with copious amounts of funding. Soon, Dr. Azuma's work is flourishing, whole banks of organs and limbs have been constructed, and the testing is preparing to move into the next phase.

However, tragedy strikes Dr. Azuma's life. His son, Tetsuya, had been serving in the military fighting against the terrorists in Zone Seven. A trap left by the enemy killed Tetsuya, and the military was bringing the body back home. At the same time, disaster strikes Dr. Azuma's work. Lightning crashes into the lab, causing the banks of organs and limbs to reconstitute themselves into sapient beings. The military cracks down almost immediately, killing most of them. But a few of these "Neo-Sapiens" escape into the wilderness. His son dead, and his work in shambles, Dr. Azuma gets a crazy idea. He takes his son's corpse, and dips it into the goo left behind by the escaped Neo-Sapiens. Tetsuya is reborn, and like Steve Austin, he's better, stronger, faster than he was before. However, his new found strength is tearing his body apart, and he's forced into a special suit of armor designed by his fiance's father.

The Neo-Sapiens that escaped fight their way through the unforgiving wilderness, and find an abandoned castle. This castle was one of Europa's automated robot production facilities. With the robotic armies of Europa at their command, they swear vengeance upon the Eastern Federation. In one of their early attacks, they blast into the facility where Tetsuya is being kept. As Tetsuya fights them off, he realizes that he's the only one who can fight against these superhumans. As he begins to take the fight to the Neo-Sapians, he gets closer and closer to the ugly truth about Neo-Cells.

Why would you like it?: If you're a fan of action films, this is amazingly over the top. It really does a good job of capturing the action style of Japanese action animation. It looks fantastic. The artists had a field day with this one. They managed to make it look modern and filthy at the same time, which flies in the face of the typical "the future will be painted white" that gets put forward too often. The soundtrack is pretty sweet, including a theme song performed by Utada Hikaru.

Why it might not be for you: It's all in Japanese, with no dubbing. The story isn't as deep as it seems. Although that might simply be due to things being lost in translation, as I've heard that the subtitles are a butchery of the script. The ending is kind of baffling, too.

What the critics think: They don't. Casshern didn't see a mainstream American release, so it didn't get a metareview.

What I think: Casshern is a niche film. Japanophiles, action fanatics, and especially Japanophile action fanatics, will love this film. A more mainstream audience probably won't find this near as enjoyable. But I think it fills its niche well. I give it a 6/10.

The Christmas Review

Well, my laptop went tits up a couple weeks ago. Thankfully, it was still under warranty. Two motherboards, one CPU, and one Video Card later, we are up and running today. So, I would just like to take a minute to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas.

I got some sweet swag for the holiday. My loot tally included a DVD of Rambo, a copy of A Farewell to Arms, a copy of The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemmingway, a Copy of Soul by Seal, a copy of Neon Bible by Arcade Fire, and some clothes and cash.

Quantum of Solace

Quantum - [kwon-tuhm] -(physics) the smallest discrete quantity of some
physical property that a system can possess.

Quantum of Solace is the latest James Bond film, and once you watch it, the title becomes quite apt.

Daniel Craig stars for the second time as the man with a license to kill. Craig's portrayal of Bond is more in line with the model put forward by previous actors Sean Connery and Timothy Dalton. Craig's Bond is a killer for his country. Gone are the quips and one liners of the campier Bonds. Personally, I like it this way.

Judi Dench comes back as M, Bond's supervisor. As always, she does a sharp job at this.

Olga Kurylenko and Gemma Arterton play Bond Girls Camille Montes and Strawberry Fields, respectively. Montes is a beautiful Russian Bolivian woman who's on a vendetta against the man who killed her family. Fields is a lovely British redhead working for the British Consulate. Fields exudes the almost prudish form of sex appeal that only the British have mastered.

Mathieu Amalric plays Dominic Greene. The main villain of the film. Eco friendly CEO of a major corporation, and member of the secretive criminal syndicate Quantum. Unlike previous villains, Greene lacks an outstanding deformity. He's probably the most normal villain to grace Her Majesty's Silver Screen. He still comes off as a little creepy though.

Quantum of Solace picks up right where Casino Royal left off. Right off, as in Mr. White, the operative for Quantum that Bond captured at the end of the previous film, is still in the trunk of Bond's Aston Martin. The film jumps right into a pitched gunfight on the narrow European highways, and the action never slows up.

After making his escape from the gunmen of Quantum, Bond brings Mr. White to an MI6 safehouse, where M herself prepares to interrogate him, using unscrupulous means if need be. Mr. White laughs her ominous threats off, claiming that Quantum has people everywhere. Usually when someone says that, it's a setup for someone to be a double agent down the road. Apparently, it wasn't very far down the road, because one of the MI6 agents in the room opens fire, killing the guards. Bond gives chase, leaving Mr. White unattended.

In Bond's furious pursuit of the traitor, we begin to get a peak at the reason why the film was given it's name. The betrayal and death of Vesper Lynd in Casino Royal has made him into an inconsolable font of wrath. He has buried himself in his duties with MI6, and walks a perilous line between his duty, and pure vengeance.

As he chases leads regarding the shadow syndicate of Quantum, he is led to Dominic Greene, the CEO of Greene Planet. Mr. Greene has some shady dealings going on that will bring about the downfall of the Bolivian government, and give Greene control of the worlds most valuable resource.

This is an EON Bond film, so it's rather stunning visually. The stunts are jaw dropping. Picture Parkour on roid rage. The score suits the film well. It utilizes the Bond Theme leitmotif, without becoming dependent upon it. The theme song is well done, but a little unremarkable. I liked "You Know My Name" from Casino Royal better. However, Alicia Keys does a good job singing.

The writing has gone far away from the gadget filled camp of the series prior. For the most part, everything they use is plausible. There are not so subtle homages to Goldfinger and Moonraker. Think black gold. The characters are much more filled out in the Craig films than in any previous incarnations.

The film is 106 minutes long, and garnered a 58 on Metacritic. Most critics complained that it didn't seem like Bond was having fun in this one. I agree, but I believe that that was the point of this film. 007 is no longer the quip producing charmer in control of everything. He's human now. He bleeds, he hurts, and he has doubts. I think this is a great move. I give the film an 8/10.

New Watchmen Trailer!

This is going to be fucking fantastic!

In Bruges

Earlier this week, I rented a few movies. Amonst them was Martin McDonagh's In Bruges.

Colin Farrell plays Ray, a young aspiring hitman who accidently kills a young boy on his first assignment.

Brendan Gleeson plays Ken, an experienced hitman who acts as a mentor to Ray.

Ralph Fiennes plays Harry, their scrupulous employer who decides to send them both into hiding in the Belgian city of Bruges to lay low until the heat subsides. Ray hates it in Bruges. It's a little too... Belgian for his tastes. Things start to turn around when Ray meets a girl, Chloe, and a midget she's working with on a film. Things go south again when Chloe's tries to rob him, and midget turns out to be a jackass, and things just continue to go down. Until Ray decides to kill himself, and Ken is instructed to kill Ray over the boy Ray killed. At that point, decisions have to be made.

While In Bruges is indeed a comedy, it is a very dark comedy. So dark, that light cannot escape it's surface. It's pretty much an hour and a half of watching life kick Colin Farrell in the nuts. The atmosphere captures the feel of a small european tourist town pretty well. The score is fairly minimal, which is good because it doesn't get in the way. The characters of Ray and Ken are pretty well rounded, however the rest of the cast is a little flat. It's also casually profane in a manner that only Guy Ritchie movies have managed.

In Bruges is 107 minutes long, and earned a 67 on metacritic. It's worth watching. I give it a 7/10.

Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder is a stupid movie. However, a quote from the movie itself illustrates just what that means.

Downey: "Everybody knows you never do a full retard."

Stiller: "What do you mean?"

Downey: "Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Count toothpicks to your cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard."

When Tropic Thunder is stupid, it's a hilarious, farcical, deconstruction of the movie industry, and actors world wide. When Tropic Thunder goes completely stupid, it's just annoying. Unfortunately, it skews between the two often enough that it seems the film just isn't sure of what it wants to do.

The cast is star studded. Ben Stiller plays Tugg Speedman, an over the top action star on the downside of his career, similar to another actor on the film.

Robert Downey Jr. plays Kirk Lazarus. The ultimate method actor, the Australian has won five Oscars, and is so dedicated to his role that he underwent a surgical procedure to allow him to portray the Black Sgt. Lincoln Osiris. One part Russell Crowe, one part Robert De Niro.

Jack Black plays Jeff Portnoy, a drug addled comic known for his low brow, multi role comedies. Think Eddie Murphy meets Mike Myers.

Brandon Jackson plays Alpa Chino, a rapper, turned business mogul, turned actor. Think P. Diddy meets Gangstaliscious.

Jay Baruchel plays Kevin Sandusky, a young actor whom no one really knows.

Nick Nolte plays "Four Leaf" Tayback, handless Vietnam vet, who wrote the book the film within the film is based on.

Matthew McConaughey plays Rick "Pecker" Peck, Speedman's agent. Basically Drew Rosenhaus on crack.

Tom Cruise plays Les Grossman, a foul mouthed, scheming producer. One part Donald Trump, one part Mark Cuban.

Tropic Thunder kicks off with some fake previews that set the tone for each primadonna actor, followed by a blown scene, in which a $4 million explosion is set off without the cameras rolling. The film is a month behind schedule, only five days into production. Speedman and Lazerus are fighting over creative control, Chino whores out his energy drink "booty sweat" every other line, and Portnoy is wired on heroin. The rookie director is unable to handle the massive egos of the primadonna actors, and with the producer breathing down his neck, he accepts an idea from the slightly unstable Tayback.

The proceed to fly the actors deep into the Vietnam jungle, where a setup of hidden cameras and the director's camcorder would empower them to film the scenes "Guerrilla style". However, the situation changes rapidly as they are found by drug smugglers, and despite their thoughts that it's still a movie, the situation becomes very real.

The film is well done thematically. Things are always satirical. The problem is that it tries to go too many places at once. Imagine The Naked Gun trying to be somewhat serious as a film, despite still being completely scatterbrained. It could really have done with some tightening up, removing some of the "fully retarded" sections.

The acting varies heavily. Stiller comes out a little stiff, and Jack Black has never been a serious actor, simply portraying the same speedball style of shock acting. Baruchel and Jackson are pretty good. Cruise and McConaughey have some scenes that push the stupidity quotient. Downey Jr. does the best. His ability to switch accents is impressive, and the ability to convincingly carry out a person who is convincingly carrying out another person is pretty damn impressive.

The soundtrack is excellent, and accentuates the movie very well.

Tropic Thunder is 107 minutes long, and brought in a 71 on metacritic. All in all, it's a decent comedy, but a little too much of a roller coaster ride. I'll give it a 5/10.

The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

At the drive in as a double feature with The Dark Knight, was The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. I saw it with Jeff and Amber, and when they fell asleep, I was left as the sole witness in our group to the sad state of the Mummy franchise.

Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is as much worse than The Mummy Returns as that film was worse than the original Mummy. Thankfully, the Rock's The Scorpion King remains the low point in the series.

Brendan Frasier returns as Rick O'Connell, mummy slayer extraordinaire. His role hasn't changed, he still has a quicker wit than the character lets on, and an even quicker trigger finger.

Rachel Weisz does not return as Rick's wife, Eve. Instead, she's replaced by Maria Bello. I was not a fan of this move. Bello opts to abandon the clumsy stylings of the librarian out of her depth that Weisz conveyed, and replaced it with a kind of airheadedness more appropriate in an episode of the Hills.

Luke Ford plays the now 21 year old Alex O'Connell. He's in the midst of a struggle between himself and his father better reserved for a teenage character.

Isabella Leong plays Lin, Alex's crush, and an immortal Chinese ninja who's mission is to destroy the Dragon Emperor.

Jet Li plays the titular Dragon Emperor. The first emperor of China, who unified the realm, built the Great Wall, and mastered the five elements. Cursed to terracotta form by a witch, he slumbers with his army, awaiting the opportunity to begin his conquest again.

The movie opens with a recap of the life of the Dragon Emperor. The first emperor of all of China, he conquered everyone who stood against him, then cursed them to forever hold up his works, as he had them executed in a mass grave, and built the Great Wall of China upon their bodies. It doesn't take an engineer to tell you that the cursed corpses of the lost and the damned make a poor foundation material. He goes on to master the five elements, but soon realizes that there is one thing he has not yet mastered, death. As he ages, he sends Ming, his most trustworthy general to go find a witch, who supposedly has the secret to immortality. Upon finding her, she turns out to be a beautiful woman, and the emperor immediately declares that no man is to touch her save him. The witch claims not to know the secret to immortality, but she knows where to find it, in a hidden Buddhist monastery. The Emperor sends both the witch, and Ming to find this secret. As they search the many tomes together, they fall in love, and consummate their relationship. Returning to the emperor, the witch cast a spell upon him. Satisfied, he leads her to the balcony, where he asks her to be his wife. She refuses, and he reveals Ming, in the square below them, a quarterhorse tied to each limb. Ming is dismembered, and the witch flees. The spell she casts begins to take effect, turning the emperor and his army into Terracotta.

The film then jumps to modern times with an expose of the O'Connell's opulent home in Oxfordshire, England, earned as a reward for their actions safeguarding priceless artifacts in the Second World War. 13 years after The Mummy Returns, their son Alex is now 21 years old, and secretly conducting an archaeological dig in China, searching for the tomb of the Dragon Emperor. A British diplomat approaches Rick and Eve with one final task, taking the Eye of Shangri-La to the Chinese Government. Eve's brother, Jonathon, now owns a nightclub in China, the aptly named Imhotep. There they run into Alex, and the traditional father son spat ensues. As tempers cool, Alex offers to show his parents the exhibit he'll soon be opening at the very museum that the O'Connell's need to deposit the Eye.

While inspecting the sarcophagus of the Dragon Emperor, Alex's partner reveals a treacherous plan by renegades within the Chinese military to use the Eye of Shangri-La to resurrect the Dragon Emperor and establish China as the center of his new, worldwide, empire. As the emperor reawakens, he escapes, despite the best efforts of the O'Connells. Heading towards a remote monastery, the emperor takes the Eye of Shangri-La, which will unveil the location of Shangri-La, and the pool of immortality. It's up to the O'Connell's to stop him.

The visuals, acting, and story are all what you'd expect from the Mummy series. That is to say, great, sub par, and dumbed down, respectively. The plot is written more for the 10-14 year old demographic, so it seems a little slow for the older viewers. some of the plot points get to be a little excessive, especially when the yetis get involved.

Jet Li isn't nearly as impressive an actor when he isn't doing crazy martial arts stunts. Given his retirement from Wushu films after Fearless, this is disappointing. Brendan Fraiser is still the high point of the film, with his fly by the seat of your pants attitude of Rick O'Connell portrayed perfectly. I've already stated my issues with Maria Bello's job, and Luke Ford comes off as too whiny.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is a mediocre film, sufficient for fans of the genre, but not for general audiences. The film is 114 minutes long, and was given a 31 on metacritic.
I give the film a 4/10.

Wanted

Normally I'm pretty in touch with the collective social consciousness when it comes to judging movies. I might be a point high or low, but I can generally pick what people would consider a good movie and what they'd consider a bad movie. Wanted came out different.

I saw Wanted at the drive in theater with Julia, it was part of a double feature with The Strangers, but as we had to do the Relay for Life later that night, we didn't stick around for The Strangers. I probably wouldn't have even if we weren't pressed for time.

I had high hopes for Wanted. The serial that it was based on was probably one of the more insidious comic runs that I've seen. Bending bullets looks like a pretty cool idea. Angelina Jolie is sexy as all hell. It had a lot of things going for it.

James McAvoy plays Wesley Gibson, a white collar cubicle rat who's pathetic existence is sectioned between being pushed around his unfaithful girlfriend, his best friend fucking his unfaithful girlfriend, or his obese manager at work. He suffers from extreme anxiety attacks. It turns out that his father was the best assassin in a guild of assassins called The Fraternity. Those anxiety attacks enable him to slow down his perception of time. When the Fraternity loses his father, they approach Wesley to avenge him. Think the Matrix.

Angelina Jolie plays Fox, one of the assassins in the Fraternity. It is Fox who finally brings in Wesley to the Fraternity.

Morgan Freeman plays Sloan, the leader of the Fraternity. He interprets the Loom of Fate to hand out assignments.

Thomas Kretschmann plays Cross, a rouge assassin seeking to destroy the Fraternity.

Common plays a minor role as the Fraternity's gunsmith. His role is only notable because he apparently went to the Keanu Reeves school of acting. Just awful in this movie.

The film opens with a wicked gun battle between Mr. X, and several other gunmen. Mr. X demonstrates inhuman abilities by leaping across the gap between two skyscrapers, killing several men during the flight, and killing the last man by bending a bullet around the chimney the man was hiding behind. Pulling out a phone, he receives a call from Cross, a rouge assassin, they trade barbs, until Mr. X notices that he's standing on the x. Literally. His head bursts open as a bullet tears through his cranium. A slow mo rewind shows the bullet travelling, shedding stages as it goes, from the point of origin, Cross's rifle, situated in a small nondescript house miles across town.

We are introduced to Wesley Gibson, as he googles himself in his cubicle, and recounts why his life sucks. He counts his woes until at the pharmacy, he's abducted by Fox, as she returns fire at Cross. A high speed chase ensues, with Wesley gibbering like a terrified idiot the whole way.

Upon their escape from Cross, Fox takes Wesley to an assuming Textile mill, where the Fraternity is based. Here, Wesley learns of his abilities and his origins. After severing his connection with his previous life, he returns to the Fraternity and undertakes a rather brutal training regimen to become a member.

Upon the completion of his training, he is taken by Sloan into the inner sanctum of the Fraternity. Here Wesley see the Loom of Fate. Yes, the most elite order of assassins in the world takes their orders from a machine that makes curtains. The Loom reveals the intended target through binary code based on skipped threads. Here Wesley gets his next assignment, Cross...

The special effects are well done, and the movie as a whole has a kind of fluorescent afterglow that speaks of the white collar nihilism that permeates the story. The audio is very harsh, and kind of grinding on the ears. If you've seen 30 Days of Night, it's very similar to that.

The film is really disjointed in its editing. It can be very difficult to follow at times. There's a twist, because what movie doesn't have a twist now days, but it's fairly pedestrian, and if you can't see it coming, then maybe you should stop watching films for a while. McAvoy does a good job playing the meek cubicle lemming, but Jolie and Freeman were pretty disappointing.

Another thing that I took issue with was how, like V for Vendetta, they castrated the main character. They turned Wesley from an unambiguously evil anti hero, to a good little boy who fell in with the wrong crowd at first. Much the same as they took V from a terrorist who killed innocent and guilty alike, to an avenger who only killed people who deserved it.

Wanted is 110 minutes long, and brought in a 62 on metacritic. That surprised me, because I didn't think the film was that good. I give it a 4/10, it might not kill you to watch it, but I'm not making any promises.

The Dark Knight

Well, I went to go see the Dark Knight at midnight on opening night. However, due to the constraints of the mirror image course, I haven't been able to cook up the review until now.

Jeff and I went to the midnight showing in Poulsbo. To give you an idea of the popularity of this film, Poulsbo had six screens showing at midnight, and all six sold out.

Christian Bale reprises the double role of Bruce Wayne and Batman. As in Batman Begins, he does an excellent job of portraying Bruce Wayne as a billionaire playboy, and no small measure of jackass. As Batman, he's very imposing. Easily the best portrayal of the character to date.

The performance that has everyone abuzz is the late Heath Ledger's role as The Joker. Unlike previous incarnations of the killer clown in both animated and live action, Ledger shys away from the "Clown" and leans on the "Killer". Gone is the laughing gas, gone is the flag pistol. They are replaced by semtex and RPGs. The madness is certainly still there, but it's not humorous insanity, it's very dark. In my humble opinion, it's easily the best acting performance of the year.

Aaron Eckhart plays Harvey Dent, Gotham's new district attorney. He's the purest civilian character in the film aside from Rachel Dawes. Hailed as Gotham's "White Knight" Dent represents the best chance Gotham has to reclaim itself from the criminals without relying on vigilantes like Batman. There's a twist to the character that everyone with a passing familiarity to the Batman mythos will see coming, but for those who don't know it beforehand, it's pretty powerful.

Gary Oldman plays Jim Gordan, a police officer who works with Batman to crack down on the criminal underworld. He's a very sympathetic character in that he seems completely outmatched, yet is determined to do his job.

Maggie Gyllenhal replaces Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. Rachel Dawes' role in the story was scaled back from the original film. In Batman Begins, she represented the judicial system, a role that has been taken over by Harvey Dent in this film. She gets involved in a love triangle between Dent and Wayne, but has become much more of a bystander in the second film.

Michael Caine comes back as Alfred, Wayne's surprisingly wise butler. He's pretty much the same as in the first film.

The film is a little cleaner in the visual imagery than Batman Begins, however the plots are much darker. It opens up with a bank being robbed by a group of men wearing clown masks. As each man completes his role in the heist, another man kills him. Eventually the last man standing pulls his clown mask on to reveal a scarred face painted up like a clown. The Joker.

The story begins in earnest from there. Batman has put fear into the criminal element of Gotham. Most low level criminals won't even conduct business when the bat signal illuminates the sky. Furthermore, Batman has inspired other, lesser men, to take up the mantle of the bat in order to fight crime, much to Batman's chagrin. The mob is getting desperate, faced by Batman on the streets, and a fierce new DA who refuses to be intimidated by the mob's heavy handed tactics.

Desperate, they turn to a new face in the criminal element. The Joker. They offer him one half of their combined fortune in order for him to bring down the Batman. Eager for a challenge, the Joker accepts, and launches a campaign of terror, murder, and violence to try and pull Batman out of his anonymity. As Batman's conscience makes it harder and harder for him to remain anonymous as people are dying, public perception begins to turn on him, just as the Joker intended.

The Dark Knight is a superb movie. The visuals are sharp. The audio is a little distorted, and I wonder why it seems Batman felt the need to have microphones built into his knuckles. But other than that it's fine. The acting is simply incredible. The acting is truly what sets this movie apart, that, and it's lack of an editor.

The one flaw for this film is a rather big one. It's far too long. Like an hour too long. When you get a feel for the twist, and you see it coming, you can see the film unfolding in the following manner, lead up, climax, twist, fade to black. That would have been perfect, and a great setup for a sequel. Instead, it goes, lead up, climax, twist, about 30 minutes of meandering dialogue, restart. It seems almost as if instead of taking advantage of the natural cut point in the plot, they simply filmed the sequel, tacked it on the end, and added a poorly done bridge.

The Dark Knight is 152!? minutes long, and earned an 82 on Metacritic. It would have easily been a 10/10 for me if they had taken the time to cut the fat a bit more, but as it stands, I have to give it an 8/10.

Thematically however, there are some very impressive points that I'd like to discuss, however, if you haven't seen the film, I warn you, Here There Be Spoilers...

One of the main themes is 3. There are several distinct character triangles. Initially there is the love triangle between Bruce Wayne, Harvey Dent, and Rachel Dawes.

But more subtle at the same time, is the triangle between Batman, Jim Gordon, and Harvey Dent. Batman represents power, Gordon weakness, and Dent potential. This is manifested in public sentiment around Batman, that he's a vigilante and dangerous to all around him. The perception of Dent is that he's the infallible savior of the city who will sweep away the mob. While Gordon, who is truly incorruptible, toils in obscurity, and usually fruitlessly without Batman's power behind him.

A third triangle is the late film relationship between Batman, the Joker, and Two-Face. They come to represent Order, Chaos, and Chance, respectively. They are primal forces that can be very destructive if unguided. There becomes a certain dichotomy between each character. Batman and the Joker are polar opposites, and the Joker often comments that he won't know what to do if Batman isn't there to fight him. Harvey Dent is often referred to as the "White Knight" of Gotham, even after his fall from grace, while Batman, the titular Dark Knight, takes the burden of being an outlaw upon himself in order to protect the city's perception of Dent. Two Face and the Joker share an air of amorality. Joker threatens to kill both a ship full of prisoners, and a ship full of innocents. Two Face flips a coin to decide who lives and who dies.

These three triangles dominate the film, each taking precedence in a third of the film.

Another major concept is the idea of perception blurring the line between hero and villain to suit the psychological needs of the populace. Harvey Dent goes from hero to villain, but due to the labors of Batman and Gordon, he is always seen as a hero, as that is what the people need. While Batman is always a hero, the perception of him being a hero goes from being questionable, to being a straight up villain over the course of the film.

If you haven't seen this film yet, you're a terrible person.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

I will...

Fuck Yes...

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

I know, another movie. So sue me.

So I'm loafing around the house, and Jeff calls me up, asks me if I want to go to Silverdale, hang out for a bit, and then go see a movie. Jeff wanted to go see Hancock, but I've already seen it, so I talked him into watching Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

I hopped into the little Nissan Light Truck, and drove out to Silverdale. I'm one of those guys who drives at a constant 4 miles above the speed limit, because the overwhelming majority of police officers won't bother you about it. However, I got stuck behind a Lincoln Navigator who was stuck behind some subcompact looking thing that insisted on driving 45 in a 60 mph zone. Oncoming traffic bedeviled any attempt to pass the little bastard. Then things got worse, a semi truck pulled up behind me. For truckers, time is money, and he wanted to do about 70. So he's riding my ass, and I'm several car lengths on the wrong side of uncomfortably close to the massive SUV in front of me. If something happens to the subcompact, I'm going to get sandwiched, and the Nissan I'm riding in feels like the kind of stereotypical Japanese car that might as well be made of rice paper for all the protection it affords me.

Thus we rolled for almost 40, nerve racking, miles. Finally the road split into a three lane freeway. The semi blew past me, I blew past the Navigator, and we all left the subcompact in the dust.

I met Jeff and Amber at Famous Dave's along with one of Jeff's friends from his time staffing Scout Camp, Andy. We hung out, hit the mall, and loafed around to kill time before the 9:55 showtime for Hellboy. But the mall closes at 9:00, and we had almost an hour to kill. So what did we do? Andy ran to his car, and busted out a Frisbee, and we threw that thing around for a half hour in the theater parking lot until the manager sent her minions out to put a stop to us. Aren't we rebels?

But by that point, we had decided to go in to go see the film anyways.

ON TO THE REVIEW!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army is the sequel to the 2004 film, Hellboy. Hellboy II stars Ron Perlman as Hellboy, a demon summoned by the Nazis in 1944 in an attempt to beat back the allied invasion. However, Hellboy was summoned as an infant, captured by the allies, and raised by a kindly old professor. Hellboy's true name is Anung un Rama, and his right hand is made of red indestructible stone. Hellboy's right hand is the key that unleashes Armageddon upon the world. However, in a triumph of nurture over nature, Hellboy has been raised to fight for humanity at the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, or BPRD.

Selma Blair stars as Liz Sherman, Hellboy's love interest, and Pyrokinetic. Liz has the ability to generate flames of incredible heat when she get angry. Kind of like a female Human Torch.

Doug Jones plays Abe Sapien, an Icthyo Sapien, or fish man. He's psychic, and the brains of most field operations, possessing an extensive knowledge of the occult and bizarre.

The story kicks off with the story of the Golden Army. Long ago, man waged war upon the fey folk. The elves, ogres, trolls, fairies, and goblins were all slaughtered. In desperation, the king of the elves commissioned the goblin blacksmiths to build a golden army of 70 times 70 soldiers. This army could be controlled by a golden crown that when worn unchallenged, granted the wearer complete control over the army. These invincible clockwork warriors knew no remorse, and butchered the human army. The king, horrified by the carnage, agreed to a truce with the humans. The humans could keep their cities, and the fey would keep the forests. As a sign of the truce, the crown was broken into three pieces, one was given to the humans, and two were kept by the elves. The elven prince Nuada, disgusted with the king's decision to sign the truce, went into exile, training for the time that the war erupts again.

As time marched on, the humans forgot the truce. They encroached upon the lands promised to the fey. Prince Nuada trained, and honed his skills, and saw his moment to act. The piece of the Golden Crown owned by the humans was up for auction, starting at $7 million. Nuada, and his accomplice, a huge cave troll known as Mr. Wink, broke into the auction house and seized the piece. Then as a statement to humanity at large, he unleashed a swarm of Tooth Fairies upon the people in the auction house. These Tooth Fairies are more like anthropomorphous locusts, devouring everything in their path, teeth first, hence the name.

The event is locked down, and the BPRD is called in. Liz, Abe, Hellboy, and two human agents. As they investigate, the Tooth Fairies attack them. Eventually, Liz decides to just incinerate the lot of them. The resulting conflagration blows Hellboy out a window and into the crowd below, blowing BPRD's cover. Out in the open, BPRD is now assigned a new agent to oversee the team. Johann Krauss. Krauss was a German psychic who had his body incinerated by some event during a seance. Now he is just an ectoplasmic fog that binds his soul to this world. Given fresh direction by the resourceful Klauss, the BPRD begins to investigate who was responsible for the attack on the auction house...

The movies is very similar visually to Guillermo del Toro's previous work, Pan's Labyrinth. If you haven't seen one of del Toro's films, think Tim Burton on downers. It's a little creepy, yet whimsical, and dark all at the same time. The acting is a little scattered. Perlman is a pro, but that might be the product of typecasting, given that it seems that every role he undertakes opens with "Enter deformed freak". Blair was disappointing, she didn't take well for the more adjusted direction of her character. Doug Jones was amazing with his body language, but his dialogue was a little labored. The movie's pace is a little schizo too. The score is unremarkable.

Hellboy II is 110 minutes long, and got a 78 on metacritic. It's a fun summer movie, and worth watching if you enjoy something a little outlandish. It's got an irreverent B-Movie feel to it, and it doesn't apologize for it. It's got laughs, drama, and action, what more could you ask for? I'd give it an 8/10

A day at the movies.

I've got three reviews for you. You can guess what I did with my Sunday.

The first film I watched was WALL-E at the Rose Theater. The film is set in a world where mankind has literally buried the planet in garbage. A single universal corporation, Buy N Large (BnL), has caused rampant consumerism, and has decided on a mass exodus from the planet on their luxury starliners while a series of robots cleans the planet. These robots, the Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth Class, or WALL-Es, roam the planet. They scoop up garbage, crush it into a cube, and stack the cubes in ziggurat like structures, dwarfing local sky scrapers. This operation lasts until the year 2700, when there is only one WALL-E left in operation. Without being tended by technicians on a regular basis, WALL-E has developed a quirky personality. He hoards objects that catches his eye, like a Rubik cube, an eggbeater, and a hoard of Twinkies. He has a pet cockroach, and enjoys watching Hello Dolly! on his iPod.

WALL-E slaves away on Earth, until one day, a ship lands, and drops off another robot. This robot, EVE, has the mission to find plant life, off which WALL-E has the only known sample. EVE is sleek, fast, and also a godless killing machine. Why searching for plants of a desolate world requires a plasma cannon is beyond me. But WALL-E flirts with her, and they develop a friendship. WALL-E shows her the plant, and her programming kicks in. She sucks the plant into her chest cavity, and seals up dormant, until the ship returns to pick her up. WALL-E jumps on the ship, and catches a ride out to the mother ship containing the human race. Centuries in microgravity, combined with a dependence on servant robots for even the most minute tasks have led to humanity evolving into obese slobs, incapable of even the most basic tasks. WALL-E struggles to catch up with EVE, and help her prove to the humans that the Earth is capable of supporting life again.

In the end, WALL-E gets a little too preachy for my tastes. But if you look strictly upon the character interactions, it's a classic love story between atypical characters.

WALL-E is 98 minutes long, and pulled in a 93 on Metacritic. The film is beautifully rendered, as any Pixar film is. However, the flaw in using a cartoonish CG setup is that it seems a little garish when contrasted with live action setups. Someone at Pixar forgot to point that out. Thankfully, there are only a few such scenes. The product placement of Apple is a little too blatant for my tastes, with WALL-E's iPod sitting on what could only be described as the shrine of his humble abode, several characters are voiced by MacInTalk and Plaintalk, and EVE design being quoted by the director as an extension of the iPod's design. But that's to be expected when the man who sold Pixar to Disney happens to be the primary shareholder in Disney, and the CEO of Apple. The score is well done, and the closing theme, Down to Earth, by Peter Gabriel is quite catchy. WALL-E is well made, and worth seeing, I'd give it an 8/10

Attached to WALL-E is a 5 minute short cartoon called Presto, it's hilarious. Some real Looney Tunes type stuff.

Later on that night, we decided to go see the double feature at the Drive In theater. Drive Ins are a dying breed. This particular theater is nestled in a clearing, surrounded by old growth cedar trees. And bats. There are bats there, and they constantly swoop in front of the screen. But nobody's perfect. The theater was playing The Incredible Hulk and The Love Guru.

First up was The Incredible Hulk. This film is a reboot of the film series in the same vein as Batman Begins. Ang Lee's 2003 directorial belly flop, The Hulk, was widely panned by critics, and bombed at the box office. As such, the new director, Louis Leterrier went to town with a tomahawk. He effectively erased Lee's film from continuity, and despite the two films sharing many roles, he recast all of them.

The story kicks off 5 years after Bruce Banner was irradiated by GAMMA radiation. On the run, he has sought shelter in the favelas of Rio de Janiero, where he works day labor in a bottling plant and studies techniques to control his emotions under a brazillian jiu-jitsu master. After he accidental cuts his hand, his blood spills into a bottle that is shipped to Wisconsin. A poor SOB drinks it, and drops dead from GAMMA poisoning. This alerts the zealous General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross to Banner's location. Banner is corresponding with a mysterious radiation expert, known as Mr. Blue, in an attempt to try and find a way to cure him of his curse.

General Ross sends an elite team to attempt to capture Banner. This group is led by an operative named Emil Blonsky, who is on loan from the British Royal Marines. They find Banner, however, the pursuit forces Banner to transform into the Hulk, a superhumanly strong creature whose power increases exponentially with his anger. The Hulk trashes the factory as he escapes, leaving Blonsky in awe of his power.

Banner heads back to Culver College in Virginia, site of his accident, in search of the data that Mr. Blue needs to synthesize a treatment. There he meets with Betty Ross, the General's daughter, and Banner's partner in the experiment. After obtaining the data needed, Betty's current boyfriend snitches Banner out to the General, and the general pulls out all the stops to try and catch him. This include dusting off the old Weapon I serum that made Captain America into a Super Soldier in WWII. Injecting it into Blonsky, Blonsky soon becomes addicted to gaining more power, and soon sets his sights on the GAMMA power of the Hulk.

Ed Norton replaces Eric Bana as Bruce Banner. Norton provides a more pathetic Banner, as opposed to the somewhat alpha male performance of Bana. This does much better in creating an effective dichotomy between Banner and the Hulk, making it a true Jekyll and Hyde.

The Hulk himself has been redesigned. He's a little leaner, and more defined than in Lee's movie. I think it brings him closer to the ideal man taken to the extreme motif than Lee's did.

Liv Tyler replaces Jennifer Connelly as Betty Ross. Liv is a little more vulnerable than Connelly was, and becomes more of a sympathetic character.

William Hurt takes over the role of General Ross from Sam Elliot. I disagreed with this change. I think Elliot is the better actor, and he did a much better job of channelling the Ahab-like zeal of the character.

Tim Roth plays Emil Blonsky, and does a very good job of portraying a professional soldier who knows he's running out of time.

Leterrier's Hulk is more action and less angst than Lee's movie was. It also does a good job of starting to tie the film in with the greater Marvel continuity. Little things, like the Weapon Plus logo on the cryo tube containing the super soldier serum, and the appearance of Robert Downey Jr, reprising his role as Tony Stark, making a recruiting pitch for the Avengers to General Ross.

I have one major gripe though. PEOPLE OF HOLLYWOOD, HEAR ME! ESPECIALLY YOU PEOPLE AT MARVEL! I am sick of seeing just straight up inaccurate representations of the machinations of the US Army. We do not wear BDU's anymore, exchange soldiers do not wear US dress uniforms, we do not use M-16A2s anymore, a Humvee wheel does not come off that easily. That's to say nothing of the lousy tactics displayed by the soldiers. I let it go in Iron Man, seeing as those were supposed to be Air Force personnel, but this was supposed to be Army Infantry. I will work for a tenth of what other Hollywood military consultants would work for, and I will make sure that you will not make stupid mistakes like those again.

The Incredible Hulk is 114 minutes long, and earned a 61 on metacritic. The movie is fast paced, and intense. However, I think it was spoiled a bit by the trailers. The first 20 minutes of the movie was intentionally setup to have a strong reveal of the Hulk, but everyone had already seen it. The soundtrack was well put together, and included the nostalgic leitmotif from the "Lonely Man" theme from the classic TV show. It's a good film, and worth a shot. I'd give it a 7/10.

After the intermission, The Love Guru started up. There's 88 minutes of my life I'll never get back. The film is a Mike Myers vehicle. Myers plays the Guru Pitka, a love guru in the vein of Deepak Chopra. He is hired on by Jane Bullard, played by Jessica Alba, the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs. His job is to fix the marriage of the Leafs' star player, Darren Roanoke, acted by Romany Malco. Roanoke has been cuckolded by the goalie of the LA Kings, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande, played by Justin Timberlake, and Roanoke has been in a slump ever since.

The movie has a few moments that will inspire laughter, but even those won't last beyond the parking lot. For the most part it's a cavalcade of distasteful puns and shock humor. Everything is outlandish, from Myer's facial hair, which is like the bastard offspring of Rollie Fingers' mustache and Dusty Hill's beard, to the God awful acting of so many of the films stars.

Myers is mediocre in the film. Alba is still scorchingly hot. Malcos is the stereotypical black athlete, which makes very little sense in a hockey film. Timberlake proved he can't act drama in Alpha Dog, and has proven that he's even worse at comedy. Verne Troyer seemed forced. Stephen Colbert was a high point of the film, but he was seated next to Jim Gaffigan, who just sucks the life out of the scenes they share. Ben Oliver can't act period, and was clearly dying out there. Even the regal Ben Kingsley was reduced to the abyss in this film.

The soundtrack, and film in general, draws too heavily on Bollywood stereotypes to be entertaining. There's a reason why the film garnered a 24 on Metacritic. Stay away from this film, it's not worth your time. It's a 2/10.

Saw this at Hancock.

Well, I can't wait for November...

Hancock

I have just returned from the Uptown Theater, drinking in the outside ticket booth that apparently required a months down time to install. It wasn't worth it. However, Hancock, the new Will Smith superhero film, certainly was.

Will Smith stars as the titular character, a drunken, irascible man who happens to have phenomenal superpowers. He's essentially superbum. The first glimpse the audience gets of him is passed out drunk on a public bench, clutching a six pack of Gentleman John's Bourbon. Doubles too, not mere fifths. He can fly at supersonic speed, has super strength, and is nigh indestructible. However, as Spider Man often says, "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." Hancock is a drunk, and as such not very responsible. His first on screen attempt of breaking off a high speed shootout on the freeway results in over $9 million in damages to public property. This does not endear him with the Los Angeles public, and as they vent their frustrations upon him, he responds in kind. However, at the heart of his issues is the loneliness felt as a man who has no equals.

Ray Embrey, played by Jason Bateman, is an eternally optimistic and idealistic PR man. His goal is to make a charity brand, called All-Heart, that would inspire companies to donate their products to the needy for free. This does not go over well. On his way home, he finds his vehicle deadlocked in traffic, and on the train tracks, in the path of the train. As he struggles to free himself, Hancock arrives, flips his car out of harms way, and in the process, derails the train. Once again everyone who witnessed the accident berates Hancock for not simply flying the car away. Only Embrey expresses any gratitude for Hancock's action, inviting him into his house to join his family for their traditional spaghetti dinner.

Embrey's wife, Mary, is not pleased. Portrayed by Charlize Theron, Mary treats Hancock with suspicion and no small amount of curtness, rushing him out of the house as soon as the meal is ended. As Hancock leaves, Ray hands him his business card, offering to put his PR power behind Hancock in an effort to turn Hancock's image with the public around.

Hancock spends a night thinking it over, and decides to take Ray up on his offer. However, the LA DA has issued a warrant for Hancock's arrest, stemming from the massive amount of damage he has inflicted on the city. Ray sees this as a great opportunity to turn Hancock's image around. He convinces Hancock to surrender himself for incarceration, where he undergoes rehab and anger management sessions. As the crime rate skyrockets in Hancock's absence, Ray makes plans to overhaul Hancock's image, and Hancock waits in prison for a situation that requires his abilities...

Hancock is 92 minutes long. It debuted to mixed reviews, garnering a 90 from the New Yorker and an 88 from the Philadelphia Inquirer, but a 30 from Newsweek and a flat out 0 from the Wall Street Journal. Metacritic settled the film at a 49. It starts out as a snarky deconstruction of the superhero genre, and succeeds in that aspect. There's a twist that leads the film down a more serious road. The humor's still there in the second half, but it's more situational, such as when Hancock disarms a gunman using a candy bar. The special effects have a little trouble melding with the film, leading to some breaks with the immersion. The acting is solid, and the score, by John Powell, is well suited to the film.

Hancock strives to be a "superhero in real life" type of story, in the vein of Heroes. However, the film still makes some concessions to the fantasy world. Hancock, despite his super strength which allows him to toss a humpback whale a mile away, refrains from simply dismembering people he fights in hand to hand combat, even in life and death circumstances. A stigma Jessica from Heroes, does not suffer from.

In the end, Hancock is a decent film. It's no Citizen Kane, it's probably not even Superman Returns, but it's worth watching if you have some time on your hands. I'd give it a 6/10.

The Beast With a Billion Backs.

Thank God, they're back at it. :)

Thankfully, the fine folks who produce Futurama have finished their second movie. Following directly after Bender's Big Score, they hop right back into it with The Beast With a Billion Backs.

Things are beginning to settle back to normal, despite the hole torn in the very fabric of reality by the thousands of doomed Benders still looming overhead. Fry has a new girlfriend, Kif and Amy are preparing for their Fonfonrou ceremony, and the Professor is attempting to organize an expedition to study the anomalous tear in space.

The Audio and Visuals shouldn't need any explanation. The story is a little disjointed in the middle, but gets sewn up nicely in the end.

While Beast doesn't have the same level of fan service as Big Score does, quite a few of the minor characters in the series make a return. Calculon, Hedonism Bot, Dr. Ogden Wernstrom, Kif and Zap, the Wongs, and Morbo all have significant screen time.

Brittany Murphy guest stars as the voice of Fry's new girlfriend, Colleen. David Cross plays Yivo, a new entity from the other side of the doom rift. Dan Castellaneta returns as the Robot Devil. Stephen Hawking plays himself, for what that's worth.

It's worth watching for a good laugh if your familiar with the series, and certainly worth buying if you're a fan of the series.

I am Iron Man!

Well, I promised a review of Iron Man, and here it is. Albeit, delayed a little due to the meeting of my modem and some wayward tequila. I set the bar pretty high based off the trailers, but the movie blew away all my expectations.

Visually, it's as beautiful as any of the other Marvel movies made recently. Say what you want about the lack of development in most of them, but they're gorgeous in terms of eye candy. The desert is bleak, the armor sleek, and the city is practically luminescent.

The audio is divine. Especially at a theatre like the Carmike 12, which features a wicked sound system. The sound of the explosions, gunfire, and footfalls of the larger armors are visceral. You feel them every bit as much as you hear them. The soundtrack is similar, built upon heavy guitars. Thankfully, the movie utilizes, but didn't lean on the Black Sabbath track that the character was named for. Keep this movie in mind when you upgrade your home theatre, this will be the movie that you want to demo on the sound system.

The story is well written, and does a good job of modernizing the origin of Iron Man, taking the setting from the Vietnam War, to the current OEF.

What really sets this movie apart from the other superhero movies is the acting. At first, I was opposed to the idea of Robert Downey Jr. playing Tony Stark. However, the more I thought about it, Tony Stark is essentially a womanizing drunk, encased in a flying tank. Robert Downey is already a womanizing drunk, and the flying tank is just special effects. He acts out Stark with the natural finesse of a man who isn't really acting. Gweneth Paltrow is stunningly beautiful in the role of Pepper Potts, resilient, yet still very feminine. Terrance Howard plays Arthur Rhodes a little softer than he's portrayed in the comics, but he does a very good job at operating as a foil to the more flamboyant Stark. But in my humble opinion, the most underrated performance was Jeff Bridges' portrayal of Obadiah Stane, easily the most complex character in the film. All these actors are stars in their own right, but the synergy they achieve in the film is amazing.

One quick note for when you watch this film, when you watch the ambush, keep in mind that it's the Air Force trying to defend Stark. They are flyboys, and not indicative of the military at large. They certainly aren't infantry. They did just about everything possible wrong in terms of defending against an ambush. You could take pretty much any buck private from my company and they'd do a thousand times better than the flyboys in the movie.

All in all, this is the most entertaining film I've seen in at least a year. I think There Will be Blood and Juno were fundamentally better films, but not near as fun to watch. There's something for everyone in this film. It possesses a rare mix of comedy, action, and drama, without overdoing it. And if you stick around after the credits, you'll get another gift.

Go see this film, you will not be disappointed.

Behold, The SUN!

The sun finally came out this weekend, which indicates that Oregon is moving out of its perennial "Grey Period". Thank God. It get depressing here in the winter.

My Dad also came down to visit me. It was good to see him, I don't get to see enough of my family, and I can never find the time to go visit them. I'm a terrible son, I know. :(

He arrived on Friday, which happened to be the opening day of Iron Man. So I booked some tickets on Fandango, and we went and watched the awesome movie. I'll review it later, but for now, if you haven't seen it yet, go see it now. Stick around after the credits too. It's worth the wait.

The next morning he woke up at around 8 and took the car to have its oil changed. I on the other hand, snored until 10:30. I know... lazy. He woke me up when the car was done, and we went out for a run. We ran a few miles, through Avery Park, and down to the farmers market. On the way, I always stop at a little physical fitness station in the park. I did some push ups, some leg lifts, and some situps. The situps went a little sour. I let my legs straighten out, and out of habit, I straightened up. The problem was, this was an unlaquered wooden bench. Yeah... Splinters... Ouch. I was pulling splinters out of my ass for the next mile. We got to the waterfront farmer's market, and cruised that for a little while.

Once we got back to home, we cleaned up, and went to go watch the OSU spring game at Reser Stadium. Had a polish dog, some frozen lemonade, and a bag of kettle corn. Good food, good weather, and a good team to watch. The run defense looked great, and a few players really stood out. James Rodgers was his usual dynamic self, breaking loose for a long TD and outrunning everyone on the field. Victor Butler was dynamic, including multiple sacks and TFLs, and one sack where he just bitch slapped Lyle Moeavo to the ground. Justin Kahut, the kicker who must replace the immortal Alexis Serna, also looked good, going 4/4, including a 50 yarder and a 55 yarder. Moevao didn't look that good, and Canfield didn't play due to surgery, and the freshman phenom Ryan Katz looked absolutely miserable. However, there was another, less heralded freshman, a Justin Engstrom, who was clearly the best QB on the field. Possessed of good size at 6'5" 205 lbs, he has a strong arm, and great placement on his passes. Mark my words, this Scappose product will make a name for himself.

Later that night, a few friends from Salsa invited me over to watch some movies. The theme was Violent Irish People in Boston. Kind of specific, but the Boondock Saints and the Departed fit the bill perfectly. I drank a Corona, and finished off the kettle corn. I know, I was drinking a Mexican Beer on Irish movie night. It was what we had available. Drinking pleases the alcohol gods, so they will grant me this one thing. They'll grant me forgiveness! If they do not listen, then to Hell with them! (Kudos to whomever gets this reference...). They have this 80 lb American Bulldog that apparently love popcorn, and just stared at me the whole time as I ate.

I got up this morning at 9, and we went to have breakfast at the Fox and Firkin. they've got good biscuits and gravy there. I stopped by Borders, and picked up the two new Ciaphas Cain novels, the two Gnarls Barkley albums, and a copy of Mirrormask. I'll review those later.

The Bank Job

The Bank Job is a movie about a heist. This automatically puts it three steps closer to awesome because I, like Dane Cook, believe that every man truly desires to someday be part of a heist. Similar to another favorite movie of mine, The Inside Man, this heist has far reaching political implications. In this case, it cuts all the way to the royal family. The film is also based on a true story, which ratchets the intrigue up a few notches.

The Bank Job is set in 1971 London, with all the post-mod chic and squalor that accompany that setting, and stars Jason Statham, of Snatch and LSa2SB fame. Statham plays Terry, a down on his luck used car salesman who owes a lot of money to some unsavory personalities.

Opposite Statham is the tall, beautiful, and bisexual Saffron Burrows, currently featured in ABC's Boston Legal. Burrows plays Martine, a friend of Terry's, who happens to be sleeping with the owner of the security company who's going to be overhauling the alarm system at Llyods Bank.

Outside of the two leads, there aren't any big name actors, but it doesn't hold the film back. The acting as a whole is solid, but no one truly stands out. It's a solid film, definitely worth watching in theater. And this isn't a case of my tastes simply being different that everyone else's, as evidenced by it's garnering a 79% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

For those of you who want a more in depth explanation, or don't intend to see the movie, but still want to know what happens, I'll give you an idea here. But I warn you, here there be spoilers.

As mentioned earlier, Terry has a large outstanding debt, and Martine knows a bank that will be without it's alarms for a while. They put two and two together, and come up with a team of six, later seven, people to rob the safe deposit box vault.

They rent a nearby store, and proceed to drill their way 40 feet, and up through the floor of the bank vault. While in The Inside Man, the robbers had everything go off without a hitch, and generally thought circles around everyone in the movie and their cousin, the criminals in The Bank Job are far more human. They hit snags along the way, everything from old catacombs under the city, to an amateur ham radio operator accidentally intercepting their communications. Despite their blunders, through sheer luck and moxie, they pull of the heist, and make off with the contents of over 300 safe deposit boxes.

Here's where the movie gets real interesting. Inside those boxes was over $4 million in cash and jewels, and other assorted goods ranging from a case of vintage champagne, to an unwashed pair of panties. Among those objects that the owners wanted to keep away from prying eyes and fingers were several more insidious objects. The owner of a local bordello kept a series of pictures of powerful politicians making use of her house's services. A local pimp and smut peddler kept a ledger detailing his bribes given out to corrupt cops. And the crown jewels of the Pyrrhic haul was in lockbox 118, owned by a black rights activist named Michael X. Mr. X kept a set of pictures capturing Princess Margaret in the midst of a 3 way tryst during her recent vacation in the Caribbean.

Needless to say, everyone wants these items, except for the criminals who now find them in their possession. Now, rather than simply the police, Terry, Martine, and co. find themselves trying to dodge, stave off, and appease the local thugs, the clean cops, the corrupt cops, and Britain's own spooks from MI5 (or MI6, they never keep them straight). Terry finds himself flying by the seat of his pants, and pulling off decisions by the skin of his teeth. Deals are cut, people are kidnapped, and people are killed. It all gets quite exciting towards the end. Which is why you should go see it.